Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Do and don't

Over the past few days, I've learned a couple of useful things with respect to 3.5-month-old babies:

DO wash your hands before assembling a bottle of milk. It happens that just a touch of chili is sufficient to transform the bottle nipple from a conduit of sweet nectar into a lit match held to a great pile of Screaming Baby-brand gunpowder.

DON'T cough. Particularly, having just executed a textbook bedtime routine - clean diaper and sleeping clothes, reading a book, (non-chili-flavored) bottle, gentle laying in crib - don't cough. In a remarkable biophysical process, the sound waves of the cough are instantly metabolized by the baby into adrenaline and pain, causing immediate screaming, followed by 45 minutes of inconsolable fidgetiness.

No comments: